Yoga

So today I took a yoga class at my gym. Yoga is supposed to help you calm your mind of clutter, and I could always use a good mental dumping session. I thought MDs were the only ones with practices, but I guess I was wrong, because in yoga, you come to work on your practice. Whatever that means. I’m one of the only people who doesn’t bring their own mat, which I’ve convinced myself means that the mats at the gym are never used and thus, they are there as my own personal free mats – no shlepping required. I don’t particularly care for the mental bullshit that each teacher imposes at the beginning of the class. Each of of them has a unique type of metaphorical/spiritual mombo jambo (when was the last time you saw that expression?). Some use the class as a stage to capture the attention of their helpless audience. I don’t really care about your love of tennis or your lack of love for your ex-boyfriend. If I wanted to hear about your personal life, I’d ask. So after our teacher blabbed on about the great Francesca Schiavone (who just became the first Italian woman to win the Grand Slam…in case you cared, which I didn’t) we started with our “oms.” I participate by mimicking the sound of an appliance right before it is about to blow, but drew the line at the singing. God knows what we was being said. It wasn’t English but sounded a lot like what I hear at synagogue on the Jewish holidays. Throughout the class the teacher used odd descriptions such as “squeeze your thighs as though you have oranges in them and want to get juice all over the floor.” The thought of liquid spilling from everyone’s crotches made me a little queezy. Or maybe that was the extreme B.O. from the jacked guy behind me profusely dripping sweat. When the teacher gets into the poses that should only be performed by trained professionals of Cirque du Solei, I said “no, thank you” to a full body cast and played dead. Finally, the part I had been waiting for arrived. The Shavasana, the corpse pose in Yoga language (Latin? Hindu?). This nap is so amazing, I grin and bear an entire class just for it. I sleep better in those 5 minutes than I do throughout the entire night. I’d highly recommend it. We finished with a bow and a “Namaste,” which brought my mind to the Dharma Initiative. Immediately confusion clouded my head. Why did Widmore want the island? Where is Eko? What were the sideway worlds? So much for calming thoughts. No big deal, I’ll be back for another Shavasana soon.