The Health Fair

So today I got a flu shot, a massage and some reiki foot therapy. Day off, you ask? Nope. Today was my company’s annual health fair. Unlike the other functions such as “ice cream socials” or the company retreat, this is my all-time favorite. I was able to avoid being at my desk AND avoid dull conversations with my coworkers. There are so many “health professionals” (I use that term loosely), that I could simply move amongst them, too busy to idly chat with other employees. There was a woman who preached behavior modification and did some voodoo while I sat with my eyes closed, wondering who falls for this crap. A man who claimed that with his magic machine, one treatment was all it took to remove any allergies. I let him hook me up to what looked like a lie detector and tell me what I already knew – I have no allergies. His look said “what the hell are you doing here,” yet I was too relaxed from my chair massage to be bothered. I always thought it seemed extremely awkward to get a massage in the middle of a shopping mall or a nail salon and let me tell you, getting one in the middle of a conference room also fits the “acts that should be done in private,” category. Along those same lines, having your shoes off and a man rub your feet, sorry, perform reiki therapy, is also odd while your coworkers are in the room. Especially when the man is at a perfect angle to see up the loose dress I wore today. Yet all this beats Excel sheets and status meetings. Even getting my flu shot there wasn’t as painful as sitting through a team status meeting. I have a history of passing out at the sight of needles – in elementary school I collapsed when my teacher drew one on the board. It looked like this – I. One straight line and I was a goner. Yet knowing that there were others surrounding me as I was getting poked, I did my best to be brave. In less than a second I was done, and a lollipop was waiting as my reward! I tore off the wrapper and savored the forgotten delight of a red Tootsie Pop. I got back to my desk just in time to take my hour long lunch break. What a joyous day! To focus on health instead of wealth. Nutrition consultations instead of nutty clients. Just as my parents have told me the story of their trip to the 1964 World’s Fair, I one day will tell my children of the great 2009 Company Health Fair.