David, after he went to the dentist, sums this whole situation up best, “Is this real life?” As much as I like to brush things off as NBD, the coronavirus is certainly a BD. Thankfully, we are still allowed to get outside, which I highly recommend. It’s that breath of fresh air that keeps me from feeling absolutely insane. For those of you who know me, my last relationship ended because I couldn’t “just chill.” So staying inside all day…not ideal.

Here’s the silver lining. If there is any test of a relationship, it’s being quarantined in an apartment with your significant other. It’s day eight and I’m happy to report that Gregg and I still plan to get married! Having our wedding coming up in September has also given me some ongoing work to do while stuck at home. I feel a bit competitive now with all the couples who had to cancel their weddings who may now step on my date (and of course, deeply sympathetic, I’m not a monster!). Even if you’re not engaged, or single, you can still start to plan your wedding. This shit takes forever, you may as well start now. Get to Pinterestin’!

We got our engagement photos back yesterday, which provided a few good laughs and took up some time in our day. These two are my favorites:

Ryanne Bee Photography
Ryanne Bee Photography

Yet Gregg prefers these. Hmm…

Ryanne Bee Photography
Ryanne Bee Photography

We’re also on Day26 of Whole30 — because I’m a masochist — which means we’ve been taking on the corona-craze Corona-(and vodka, and wine, and tequila) free. However, it has given me something to obsess over other than the impending doom that is facing our nation. The lack of stocked shelves in grocery stores adds a nice challenge to it all, but I have thus far been successful in my cooking efforts. And, it’s amazing how pancakes made from a banana and two eggs really gets me jazzed to get up in the morning. That’s right. Jazzed.

I don’t have much to say these days, nothing that hasn’t already been said. It’s hard to want to connect with others, but of course, the go-to topic of conversation is a real bummer. If you’re in need of some entertainment, I’d love to share ten ways Gregg and I have been making ourselves laugh, and only, sometimes, cry. But like, I’m fine. FINE.

10. LIT Method On Demand. I have found a new appreciation for at-home workout videos. As LIT Method trainers (and husband and wife) Justin and Taylor constantly check in on each other with saccharine “How you doing, babe” we’re a bit more grunting, less babe-ing. Also, I feel really good about my years of hoarding free yoga mats finally paying off!

9. Shadow Puppets. I was this-many-days-into self-quarantine (2) when I discovered you could use your iPhone flashlight against a white wall for a very entertaining shadow puppet show.

8. I may or may not have learned this entire dance to a very catchy K-Pop song. Move over Beiber, K-Pop is so gooooood!

7. Smash things. Luckily, we were fortunate enough to have my parents ship Maryland crabs to Gregg for his birthday, so I got to smash those. But pick up a hammer and smash whatever you can. It’s very therapeutic.

6. Memorize all the Oscar winners for best picture from 1970-2019. I lost interest almost immediately, but Gregg can recite them all. Coming soon to a dinner party near you.

5. FaceTime with your relatives who have no idea how to use FaceTime. I’ve seen the insides of noses, tonsils, and ceilings. Fascinating stuff.

4. Backgammon. This game is surprisingly very fun, especially when you get competitive. We’re currently tied, but I’ll be keeping score for life.

3. Sit in the dark, and pretend you’re on a rollercoaster by hooking up one of the many YouTube videos of Disney rides, like this one, to your TV. Don’t forget to throw your hands in the air and knock Gregg’s glass of water over.

2. Take a really long shower. It feels nice, you can hide from your kids, your partner, or reality, and, when you’re done, give yourself a full rubdown. I went head to toe today, really my most thorough of all moisturizing experiences.

1. Watch I’m Sorry, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dave, Happy Endings, Broad City, and anything else that will just make you laugh!

I hope everyone stays safe and sane. I can’t wait to see everyone’s unshaven, uni-brow, chipped nail, horse-lady-long hair when we all come out of this on the other side.

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