Well, that was rough. The annual scramble to get a job in a television writers room has come to an end and unfortunately, I’m writing this from my bed at 1PM on a Tuesday, so it’s not looking good for me. I was holding out hope that USA Network would pick up the show I had previously been working on, “Happy Endings” (ABC canceled it in May), but that too fell through. Anyone who knows me can tell that I’m losing it a bit when I spend an hour scrubbing my bathroom floor and shower, as it did this morning. I’m trying not to freak out; I’m definitely not as upbeat as I was back in April — I may have been a bit overzealous quoting Iconapop and acting like I was living the dream. My bank account has hit an all time low and those damn shopping sites like Shopbop, Gilt, Hautelook — there’s more but I’ll stop — are still taunting me with their summer sales and their claims that, “Dyana, we found something you may like.” I do like that soft Joie maxi dress and those adorable J Brand white denim jeans! Sometimes I think you’re the only one who gets me, Shopbop. All my friends are getting married back on the east coast, further depleting my measly savings. I swear, if I’m not married in five…ten, I’ll give myself ten years, I’m holding a Carrie Bradshaw-type “I am not having a wedding” wedding party where I register for tons of shoes, most likely from Shopbop. I’m not planning on becoming depressed, mainly because I don’t have health insurance (shhh, don’t tell my parents that) and I can’t afford the meds. I think the upside to my situation is that history has shown that the greater the struggle, the greater success. Look at Tyler Perry — that guy slept in his car. And there are tons of celebrities who had to sift fries (Is that the terminology? Sift? Clearly, this is all new to me) at greasy food joints. Just ask Pink or James Franco. Oh wait, you can’t, because they are famous and you’re not (unless you are, in which case, thank you so much for reading my blog, I have a really great screenplay idea I’d like to discuss with you). JK Rowling was so poor that she had to use napkins to write on. My iMac is running pretty slowly and sometimes makes this wheezing noise that sounds like an old man on a respirator is in there, so yeah, I’m roughing it here too. I’ve got my pens and paper on hand, just in case I have to start writing the old school way (I’m not at napkin status just yet). While my job search continues, I’m prepared for the long haul. I still have a roof (albeit one with giant elephants stomping on it all the time) above my head, and access to my parents’ Netflix account, so I know in a sense that I am very lucky. I am looking to find a job that doesn’t require me to wear a uniform, mainly because my head is freakishly tiny and won’t fit into the average-sized hat, but if it comes down to it, I’m open to whatever challenges lie ahead. Oprah, you may want to schedule your 2023 interview with me now. My outfit is going to be awesome.
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