So today I got headshots taken. It’s pretty much a requirement to be a Los Angeles resident. Now that I am amongst the “un“, or what I like to call, “fun”-employed (can you believe I just thought of that?), I thought I might try to pick up some work by being cast as a movie extra. I loved “Where’s Waldo,” as a child – how fun would it be if I were Waldo? Where else but Craigslist, the web’s best site, could I so easily find a company willing and ready to interview me. I arrived at the casting session and was told to sign in and take a piece of paper that had some dialogue written on it. Not since Jeff Lakes Day Camp, summer of 1992, did I get to show off my theatrical talents in the staring role of Albert in “Bye Bye Birdie.” Finally, my time has come again. This casting director was in for the performance of a lifetime. I was called into the room and a woman who looked like she would rather be getting a rectal exam than have to talk to me, gave me a once over, and asked me to read the lines. I gave it my best dramatic performance I could, which involved me varying the inflection of my tone when emphasizing the lines “she says any day now, but it has been 3 years! I understand it’s your mother, but what about us?” Chilling. The woman wrote down “Jimmy” on a business card and told me to call him the following day at 10:20AM SHARP.
10:20AM I dialed Jimmy. 10:25, 10:30, 10:35 dialing, until finally I got through to Jimmy instead of his busy signal. No call waiting? Didn’t matter because Jimmy said those magic words, “Congratulations – they liked you! They chose 27 people out of 68 and you were one of them.” Now, after experiencing one rejection after another in my job quest, this was as exciting as if I had actually gotten a real job! They like me, they really like me! “Just send over your headshots and we will get you staffed on this upcoming movie.” Headshots. One minor glitch. No worries, I knew where to go for my answer. www.craigslist.com, boom, I found myself a sweet deal, only $40 for headshots. Most headshots costs about $200 – what a steal! Was I worried this guy could be some psycho rapist? I was. Then I scrolled down his website and read that he does “weddings and bar mitzvahs.” Killers don’t attend bar mitzvahs!
I arrived at his “studio” and by “studio” I mean dirty living room converted into a studio with a white backdrop and circle thingy that reflects the big lighty thingy. Thomas was a friendly fellow. Probably in his late 50s, I couldn’t help pity him when he referenced his “roommate.” However, he seemed happy with his life – he’s from Detroit and if Michael Moore’s movies taught me anything, it’s that Detroit is the most depressing place on this earth. So Los Angles must be like heaven for him. Thomas had me stand in front of the backdrop and soon he was flashing away. Look up, chin down, eyes backward…I felt like a dog trying to catch a fly. After the first 10 minutes, my mouth started to hurt from smiling so much. I’m no Zoolander – didn’t have Blue Steel or Magnum in my back pocket. My looks consisted of a smile, repeated several times over. And for 60 photos that is what I got. He did however, ask me to do a serious look and I struggled to come up with that expression. “Look like you are trying to pick up a guy at a bar,” he advised. If I knew how to do that, I’d have a boyfriend by now! Instead, I ended up with this.
I don’t know about you though, but I would definitely cast me for “drunk girl number 7.” When it was all said and done I realized I’d had a pretty good time. I picked my clothes off the floor, took my CD of photos and was one step closer to stardom. Kidding. Clothes were on. Those don’t come off until I actually start filming.